Thank GOD I don’t have a crazy nut job sister-in-law….

Do you understand that I’ve been counting down the days to see this movie (and to see Tom Hiddleston’s butt)? One of my favorite directors, Guillermo Del Toro has accomplished, yet again, a fantastic film! I can’t even express to you how beautiful the cinematography, costume, and the set design was—I just wish I was part of it (I’d be Edith)!

Here is this gothic romance about a girl name Edith (Mila Wasikowska) who happens to see ghosts; she’s an inspiring author that falls in love with Thomas Sharpe (Tom Hiddleston), and also has to live with the third wheel, his estrange sister, Lucille (Jessica Chastain). Pretty much sums it all up.  PAGING DOCTOR ALAN McMICHAEL (Charlie Hunnam). He’s Edith’s friend and he secretly likes her… but he’s such a nerd (why couldn’t they make him be like his son’s character?). In the first twenty minutes you get an idea of what’s going to happen, but it was still great to see how it unfolds. 

 

SPOILER ALERT:

Of course you know that I can’t hold back a story…duh!

It starts off in the 1900s (i think?) where Edith is a child, and she saw her mom’s ghost after the funeral. Her ghost momma told her “beware of Crimson Peak” (um ghost can tell the future? Why couldn’t they tell us about the lottery?). Forward to the future, Edith is trying to get her manuscript out when she bumps into Thomas who happen to see it and wanted to read it; he also was there to meet with her father over some clay stuff he had back at home. They’re crushing hard for each other, but you totally see something isn’t right with him (but those eyes!). Anyways, some party happens, and Edith doesn’t go, but her dad (Jim Beaver) and Alan wanted her to go but she’s all like “nah yo” (kid’s lingo these days…terrible). A ghost comes to her and “warns” her again to “beware of crimson peak”. (SUDDENLY GUESS WHO SHOWS UP AT HER DOOR…HINT…Starts with a T ends with homas)

Thomas comes to the house, all soak and he was like, “I’ve been waiting in the rain because I wanted your father and Alan to leave so I can talk to you,” (um… if this wasn’t Tom Hiddleston—I’d be so calling the cops right now). They converse and then she finally decided to go with him to the party. He ends up choosing her over another girl (sucker) to dance the night away with.

Her dad though, you can’t foul him (dude he was on supernatural!); he thought that something wasn’t right with Thomas, so he hired a private eye to look into him. Guess what? Dad was right! So he made Thomas and his sister to pack up their bags and get the hell out of town—oh and stop seeing his daughter, that’s important too.

Thomas broke up with Edith, the last night before he was going home. She totally had a sappy eat ice-cream and watched every Nicholas Sparks movie until the next day. In the morning, Thomas dropped off a note and it said that he confessed about her dad didn’t want her to be with him blah, blah, blah… So she runs to go  see him at the hotel, but he isn’t there (go figure!), and she has like a sappy moment again when  Thomas  walks in. He tells her he loves her, and wants to be with her (I’m a little jealous). “Mysteriously” though, when all this is going down, her father is found dead (shocker). 

The funeral happens and you see Alan, who is totally not liking Thomas, looks at him and vice versa, then the camera looks at Edith’s hand, which she is wearing the engagement ring (and it’s Lucille’s ring) that Thomas was supposed to give the night that he was leaving (cue all Tom Hiddleston’s fans tears).

So the newlyweds (when did they get married???) move to England, and Lucille is not having it. She is really, REALLY insane. Turns out, the place is haunted filled with ghosts and they helped Edith figure out a mystery that was going on behind her back (We need the Scooby team).

Looks like that this isn’t Thomas and Lucille’s first rodeo. He’s been married twice; a girl from Italy and another from Scotland; but Edith is different in his eyes (because he loves her and he slept with her … and Lucille, she wanted to kill her because Edith slept with him).  Thomas didn’t want to hurt Edith and he wanted to be with her and with his sister (one big sister wives I tell you—literally), but he totally forgot that he’s screwing his sister on the side, who happens to be the mastermind of all of this. Back home, Alan found out that Thomas was married and that the brother and sister’s mother “oddly” died when they were kids (I smell a murder). 

BTW: Thomas said they have to prepare for “Crimson Peak” because it was going to come….(snow storm?)

Edith is slowly dying because of some tea Lucille is giving her, (don’t drink the TEA) and one night she is literally out of it, when she saw a ghost telling her to go somewhere (man these ghost are good). Well guess where she went? To see Lucille and Thomas bang one another (Shocker). So Lucille expresses what happens and she tried to attack Edith, but she fell (from the third floor! How did she survive that!!?) from upstairs and lands on the floor. Then suddenly a knock at the door, (KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, PENNY?)

She wakes up, finds herself sitting in a chair, pretty much heavy medicated, and receiving  help from ALAN (YAY!). He was there with two nutjobs as they watched him. He asked to have some private time with his patience, and they left. Edith confessed what had happen and Alan believed. So as he whisked her away and try to leave with her, the two gross siblings couldn’t let them go. Alan said that he figured it out that Lucille killed their own mother, all the wives, and Edith’s dad (oh yeah—I forgot about him). HA! But, you knew this wasn’t going to end this way. So Lucille stabs Alan, he falls, and then she forced Thomas to finish it. Secretly, Thomas didn’t want to do this (now he grows some balls?) and he asked Alan to show him where to hurt him (meaning – where is the least likely place of damage?).

Edith is crying and freaking out and is forced to go with Lucille who wants her to sign some paper for her to have all the money (show me the money!). They converse, and Edith’s stabs her with a pen and runs to the elevator only to run into Thomas. He once again confesses he does love her (aww) and says he will deal with Lucille.

This doesn’t work in his favor. He was stabbed (IN THE FACE) by Lucille because he said they all can live happily, just the three of them (weird). After that he dies, and Edith screams out for him (Woman? Run?). Lucille is pissed off that she killed her lover that is her brother (really gross),and she is on a rampage to kill Edith. They kind of have a Peter Griffin and Chicken chase through the house and outside. Finally, a ghost comes to help Edith—which it’s Thomas, who distracts Lucille and Edith smacks the shit out of her with a shovel.

Edith  grabs Alan and they leave the place. THE END

I give this film eight crazy Lucille’s out of ten!